Permanent Teardrops
by The sKapegoat
Summary: Ulquiorra once daydreamed about Aizen; before Grimmjow took over his life. MOSTLY Ulquiorra's views are expressed. YAOI. Don't like it, don't read it.
1. Introduction

(A/N - I will not post more until I get ehhhhh... 5 comments. The story's going to be a couple flashback chapters and then the future of this pairing. I have cool things in mind so COMMENT! Next chapters will be MUCH longer.)

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Everything that he ever told me was a complete lie… Though I can only blame myself for listening to that adamant piece of trash. He preached to me about love, and how the Arrancar should stick with each other when I know he knew that I eyed our leader. It was all a ploy to get me to trust him, when I had not trusted anyone. He defiled me as a man… And reached through this hole in my chest to pluck out what I had as a heart. I cannot even undress and see my body without cringing at myself in disgust for letting him touch me like he had. That man's hands had touched and caressed every inch of my body, and his tongue as well. I could nearly vomit at the thought of how the hot, soft, wet thing had felt; how it had made me shiver and cry out for more. How he used to hold me and whisper out little pleasantries while he forced himself into me; every inch. I look at everything in disgust. There isn't anywhere in this god-forsaken place that doesn't remind me of him. He was everywhere and now he's gone… He was the only one who made my heart beat faster… And the only one to make me blush… And he will be the only man to ever touch me.

I could never understand it… How he could do so much to me. How he could make me scream and moan and rip up my own bed sheets… And how he could make me feel even more secluded than I'd ever felt in my entire life as an Arrancar. In fact… I was better off before he'd touched me for that first time. I would look at Aizen and imagine him touching me like that blue-hair did. I would stay up at night and make myself reach the edge all with thoughts of our brunette superior. I accepted it as that. I didn't press for more, or even tell Aizen how I felt, though sometimes I couldn't look in his eyes because I'd feel guilty. Then he came into my room, slamming the door shut and pinning me to my bed. He whispered that he'd make me forget Aizen for good, and that only he would be the one to make me his own.

And I really did forget Aizen… I can only think of that bastard. Now these tears on my cheeks will not fade away… They will not falter, though I may be the only one who sees them. I cannot stand myself anymore, though I disguise myself as though I don't care that he's gone. Everyone looks at me strangely ever since that day when they heard me scream for him to come back. It was an obvious give away to what had happened between he and I. They look at me with gross looks, as if I am lesser than them… And Aizen takes more attention to me. He could think that I would help Grimmjow since I had used to sleep with him… But that isn't the case. If I ever see that blue-haired trash again I'd kill him.

He took away everything I had and created an empty shell of an Arrancar. I'm not the same man that I was… And if he came back he'd see that. I am not as weak… And even smarter than before; though I hurt so badly.


	2. Behind Closed Doors

**A/N - SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I was having blockage for all my stories. I worked on this during a random inspiration burst at 1am so be grateful. Sorry for OOC, I know it's all wrong, wah-wah-wah, but I never claimed to be spot on. For my plot to work right I need this OOCness. If it was all canon and in character then would I REALLY need to write fanfictions about it pointing things in a direction that SO ISN'T THERE? Haha. Just saying, seriously not trying to be rude at all. It is 3am and I got no sleep last night either.**

**Forgive spelling and grammar errors if there are any, again, it is 3am.**

**Please read and review! I love love love comments on my writing. =3 It makes me want to write more!**

**Now~! Enough of my blabber! On with the story after FIFTY-MILLION-YEARS! =D**

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Grimmjow stood, leaning, arms crossed against his chest as he watched the others fight in the bland grey practice room. Why were they sitting around, WAITING, when they could go out and take down Kurosaki while he was still weak? It was obvious from the Fourth's observations that he was only gaining strength. He scoffed as someone called out his name.

He tried to ignore the other Arrancar in the room… He didn't need to have Aizen jumping his throat for attacking one of them a little too seriously, and making the mistake of ending them. He could take them all… Oh yeah.

Finally he glared over. "You all done yet?" He shouted.

One of the Arrancar hurled an insult at him. Grimmjow finally snapped. "What was that!" He shouted, stepping away from the wall, fists balling up. "Are you trying to say something!"

The Arrancar froze and muttered a quiet apology. He knew that the Sixth was out of his league, no matter how the fight was carried out.

But the Sixth wasn't satisfied with that. Tossing his blue hair back he strode across the room, gathering the collar of the frightened Arrancar's robes in a tight fist, lifting him off of his feet. "Huh?" He growled. "You sayin' something? I can't hear you when you talk like that…!" He shoved the smaller Arrancar to the floor. "Say something now!"

A pale grey-white arm, clad in the typical black and starch white uniform, extended before the bone-jawed Arrancar, freezing him with the callous and cat-like green eyes of the arm's owner. It was a relatively short man compared to the others' heights, but he was no less intimidating. In fact... More people seemed to be put in line by him than most of the Espada, mainly because of his seemingly emotionless exterior. The broken half-helmet which sat atop his raven wing-colored hair casted a dark shadow over his left eye making him look all the more frightful and intimidating. Somehow, though, the Fourth Espada was quite handsome through the emotionless and fearsome features, all of the looks he held adding together in his appearance.

His eyebrows, which were actually quite thick were in a more brooding position, hanging over his emerald eyes and somehow making the green orbs all the more bold. He was slender, but he had a small build, which when revealed would shock most to its shapeliness. The blue-green streaks down his cheeks, which almost resembled tears, highlighted his eyes, making the green things pop. His grey-white flesh as suitable on him, which was a strange thing, but not to him at all. In fact, the Arrancar found most ideas based on appearance to be useless. Useless in all ways. Opinions should be based upon inquiries and observations, deductions and unbiased thoughts.

His dark upper lip twitched, though not visible to the naked eye.

He spoke, in a cold and indifferent voice, "Grimmjow..." His eyes locked onto the male. "This isn't the time for another fight..." He continued, voice echoing as all went quiet in the area. "I must encourage you to refrain from this foolish fight. There is simply no point and I am sure that Aizen has not authorized this."

The fourth looked back at the trembling Arrancar with his icy eyes. He was in awe to even have the Fourth this close. He'd only heard stories of the man before now.

"I'm telling you the same..." Ulquiorra's voice seemed to hold a bit of warning in it. It was not his nature to fight for no reason... But if he were forced or provoked properly, it was no unknown fact that the raven-haired male would kill, unmercifully, and with no remorse what so ever. Ulquiorra... Was just like that.

His long-tailed jacket flowed as he pulled his arm back inward, as he stared down Grimmjow, giving him a bit of an extra warning.

"Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow growled under his breath but stopped his attack, knowing things could get ugly if he continued on his present course. That damned Espada kept getting under his skin all the time and Grimmjow found it quite annoying, so much that he was tempted to simply smack the male around a bit to see if he could mess up his brain. Grimmjow suddenly launched himself at Ulquiorra but not with his sword, just with his body to see how the Espada would react to something like this.

He didn't care if he got pummeled, Grimmjow wanted to test out Ulquiorra's reactions.

Ulquiorra, apparently had been expecting something like this, his outstretched arm whipping around to shove the others chest with just enough force to shove him backwards. Cat-like green eyes thinned. "We have been called to a meeting… Try to keep your stupidity to yourself…" He said, turning to walk away. "…Trash." He muttered over his shoulder. He entered the dark halls, back fading from sight.

Grimmjow's blood boiled. He zipped off only to reappear in front of the other Espada, who outranked him no less.

Ulquiorra had been expecting something… But not this. Both of his arms were grabbed in a rough grip, fingers digging into his pale skin painfully. He soon found the others face uncomfortably close, so close that he could feel the Sixth's open-mouthed breath on his mismatched lips. Sickening.

"I wonder why," Grimmjow began, lips brushing across the raven's as he spoke venomously. "You are so obedient to Aizen… Is there something you aren't tellin' us?" He grinned when he saw Ulquiorra's eyes spark in annoyance.

"Let go…" Ulquiorra said firmly. Did he really have to do this?

Grimmjow's lips came closer, pressing him full on. "Maybe little Fourth has ulterior motives…" Grimmjow's stomach tensed. Why was this so strangely… Arousing? Having the indifferent number Four so close on him… Felt… Good. He became distracted, trying to figure out what was going on with his body…

And apparently that was just the moment that the Fourth had been waiting for. He straightened his hand out, feeling the Sixth begin to press his lips harder in a full on kiss. The stiff hand rose slowly… But plunged into the azure-haired man's shoulder with unnatural accuracy. He gave Grimmjow a shove similar to the one in the training room, feeling the male slide free of his arm, his sleeve now stained in deep red blood. He turned on his heel, spitting on the ground. "Have that wound stitched up… And you may never touch me again…" He began to walk again, steps echoing as he retreated farther into the darkness.

Why, of all things, would the spiky-haired Espada kiss him? Hit, push, shove, and yell, all of those were typical for him... But kissing? Since when?

Ulquiorra shook it from his mind, dismissing it as another one of the blue-haired man's quirks. He seemed to have many.

He soon found himself in his room, undressing. He couldn't let Aizen see him in those nasty rags with the trash's blood on him. It was sickening. He wiped up his hand on the discarded robe before sliding open the door to the small closet. He plucked another identical robe from the hanger and slid it on, checking himself in the mirror.

It was foolish to want to look so good for their leader. But it was also foolish to think of their leader the way Ulquiorra did. It was raw lust, Ulquiorra swore to himself. After all, he was a man, in some form. But it didn't negate the fact that it was useless. Maybe it was Sosuke's powerful presence, or his stature… Or maybe it was just his good looks.

Ulquiorra sat on his bed leaning against the wall. The meeting was still a little while off…

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Grimmjow grunted as he watched the other disappear. He debated with himself at first, about going to the infirmary, but after a few moments he decided he'd have to. He walked down the hall and into the open medical room.

It didn't take long for him to get patched up really. The wound was pretty mild for what the Fourth could have done. Obviously he'd been taking it easy. The thought irritated the blue-hair more. He'd just have to stop by Ulquiorra's room before the meeting to give him a piece of his mind. The man obviously would be changing robes and maybe even showering to get his germs off. Grimmjow chuckled at the thought, but found himself imagining the other in the shower.

In all aspects, Grimmjow wasn't a man of morals or anything of the sort. He was actually quite a pervert in all truth. Thinking about someone at a vulnerable, and easily sexual, moment was what he did. He imagined what the Fourth would sound like… Since the other was always so silent and stoic it gave him a laugh. Ulquiorra was probably a screamer. All that silence probably built up in him until it was all fucked out. There was one issue though…

He'd never seen the other Espada interact with anyone else for more than a few moments, the only exception being Aizen. Then a thought sparked in his mind. There was no way… Was Ulquiorra involved with their leader? Nah! It couldn't possibly be. No matter what the Fourth may think, Aizen would never be interested… Though the thought brought a spike of jealousy into the blue-hair's chest.

He couldn't tell what one he was jealous of, Ulquiorra or Aizen, but for that matter, why was he jealous at all?

He stopped when he found himself outside of Ulquiorra's door. His hand wrapped around the knob but he froze before he turned it. What was that noise?

Grimmjow silently pressed his ear to the door, listening in.

Panting? Was the Fourth hurt? No! A moan… A word… It was being said over and over… Grimmjow's eyebrows furrowed as he willed himself to hear more. "-zen… A-Ai… zen… S-Sosuke…" Grimmjow's face paled. He was not! Oh God!

He took a couple steps back, clamping a hand over his mouth. Ulquiorra was whacking it! No way! He listened in again, holding in a chuckle… But all of those sounds were traveling south on him. He had half a mind to barge in and expose the vulnerable Fourth… But he found himself frozen, ear still against the door.

Oh God… The sounds were getting louder, and more muffled and breathy, as if the raven-haired male had covered his mouth. Aw, cute… He didn't want anyone to hear! Grimmjow let out a very cautious chuckle. He turned to rest his back against the door, hand sliding down his chest to cup his bulging pants. He smirked and slid his hand inside. What Ulquiorra didn't know wouldn't kill him.

He turned his head so one ear was still partially on the door as he began to stroke himself vigorously, fingers working skillfully on his own shaft. _'Fuck, Uqui… Just like that…'_ He thought as he heard a louder, much more open moan from behind the door separating them. He felt his hand dampen from the rolling beads of pre-cum coming from his tip. _'Fuck yes…' _Grimmjow let out a shaky sigh, followed with a silent groan.

The sounds behind the door became higher, more struggled and hitched. Grimmjow squeezed his length gently, trying to speed himself up. Ulquiorra wasn't going to last forever and God forbid he get caught masturbating outside of the Fourth's room! He hated the pretty boy, even if the Fourth DID make the most wonderful noises he'd ever heard… And if he was strangely sexy… He hated the Fourth.

"Fuck!" Grimmjow said, a little too loudly, as he came in his pants. He stood straight, making a face at the wet and hot feeling. He'd need to change now, all thanks to that damn Fourth! He was off down the hall, and barely gone as Ulquiorra's door opened.

Ulquiorra could have sworn that he'd heard someone… But it could have been paranoia. Of course he didn't want to get caught. He shut the door, sighing to himself. This was becoming too often of an ordeal. What if someone had walked by and heard? And he'd been saying Aizen's name too!

The raven shook his head and began the cleaning process, wiping up the floor where he'd spilled before inspecting his bed sheets. Damn. He'd gotten some on there too. He stripped his bed with a sigh, tossing the sheets, along with his ruined robe, into the trashcan. He redressed his bed with new sheets, which were in his closet.

This was getting out of hand. Sooner or later, someone would notice.

Little did Ulquiorra know, someone already knew all too well what he did when he was alone in his room. Someone he'd probably rather not have know.


End file.
